Photoshop Fail

Nice Job, Cosmo.

"I'm Bobble Head Britney! Nom! Nom! Nom"

However, there is an interesting, innovative article about 50 ways to please your man (!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!!: "Touch his penis" is 48 of the 50 ways).

Cosmo always gives me deja vu.

I do believe in spooks! I do,I do, I do believe in spooks!

Soooooo… I’ve been getting into the “Halloween” spirit kind of early and have been “google”ing ghosts, ghost stories, ghost pictures, EVPs, ouija boards, boogeymen, vampires, gypsies, cyclops, gollums, UFO's, candymen, Manson Family Members, Edward Cullen and Batboy (the musical). I have also been watching movies like Poltergeist, 1408, and Secret Window. Now, I'm fine with watching these paranormal, spooky, creepy, slasher movies… during the day. However, it is nighttime when my imagination runs rampant and I get totally FREAKED out.

The other night—I woke up in the middle of the night and had to use the restroom really really badly (Side effect of my gallons of diet coke, lemonade, coffee and watermelon diet). However, I was too scared to get out of bed. Thus, a conundrum. I was fairly positive as soon as I got up Linda Blair from The Exorcist would be waiting for me in the hallway.



or possibly Elvira: Mistress of the Dark...



Either way, pretty frightening.

My solution? I just lied there, in my bed, hoping I could just fall back to sleep… I’m pretty sure I did irreparable damage to my kidneys. Stupid imagination.


That being said—Keep sending me scary stories! I love reading them and will continue to do so… during the day.

This just had to be said....

Have you heard the Mel Gibson rants?

INSANE! He needs to be locked up. Seriously, he is the EPITOME of an evil abuser husband--such a caricature usually only exists in afternoon "LIfetime" movies (ya know... the channel for women about the abuse of women).


Here is my adaption of the "Wheel of Power & Control" that can be found in any social work class.

You're killing me, Smalls!

I went to the store the other day and saw SUPER HUGE MARSHMALLOWS!!!
we're talking.. ginormous (portmanteau of gigantic+enormous).

Needless to say, we now have s'more sundays.
























































I once heard that the difference between a wife and a girlfriend is 30 lbs...I'm getting there quickly.

Candwich

You know what really sucks about sandwiches?
Making 'em! Am I right?
It's like "Oh. My. Gawwwwwd. Crunchy or smooth peanut butter" and "why does my jelly look all liquidy but not" and "OH NO! this bread is so moldy it's actually penicillin"

Well, finally, someone has heard my silent sandwich prayers...
Introducing, the "Candwich"
It's a sandwich... in a f---ing can.




The Candwich comes in three savory flavors: Peanut Butter and Strawberry Jam, Peanut Butter and Grape Jam, and (wait for it)... Barbecue Chicken.

If only they had this when I was in college... I wouldn't have had to make my own sandwiches like a sucker.

The Candwich concept is something so horrible--but yet I am compelled to share it with everyone.

Twinkies... I am so sorry for the way I treated you. You have been exonerated from your status as the most disturbing food processed food that I clandestinely eat.

Trying to be Green, Ending up Black and Blue.

So... this week I attempted to be "green" by riding my bike to work. It was all a part of the http://cleartheairchallenge.org/ I decided to try. It challenges people to reduce pollution from July 1-July 31.

As luck would have it... On July 1st, I begin my quest to being a better overall human being by riding my bike to clean the air and get some exercise when.... CRASHHHHHHH.. i completely biffed it! I tried to turn from the street to the sidewalk and I... missed.



I FLEW off the bike and tried to catch myself by sticking out my hands straight out in front of me... big mistake.
Scuffed up my hands real good, sprained my right elbow (ya know, the favorite one), and road rash on the right side of my body.

It made for a really miserable weekend-- Life as a lefty is horrible.

When I got to work--the nice peeps in the warehouse created a makeshift sling for me out of cellophane. It... was awesome....!




This incident has only inspired me create the biggest carbon footprint possible--I vow to toss my empty water bottles near the tire bonfire I got in the backyard, only drill offshore (and always spill onto the pelicans), and smother a spotted owl every time I hear a Justin Beiber song.


ps. Never google "Caught self with hands"... I was trying to explain how I got my injury to google and... well, that search term leads to sites that have NOTHING to do with falling off a bike.

Sorry... wrong number....

The following takes place on July 1, 2010. 9:18am.

Bobby accidentally sends a text meant for Courtney to her father--Chris.



I can't look at either of them the same way again...